You really coming over, don't trick.
Soap is not a condiment
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
