We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
