Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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