I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
