So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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