just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
