This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
