This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
