I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
