i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
