hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
