Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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