Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
