I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
