That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
