I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
