Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
