Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
