her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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