a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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