This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
