this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
