I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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