You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
