Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
