Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
