i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
