I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
