were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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