i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
