omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
