the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
