I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
