i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so let's talk penis.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
