Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
