I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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