I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
