I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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