Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
