Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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