"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
