I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
