my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
