Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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