so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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