mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
