mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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