just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
