Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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