yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
