we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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