i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
