you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
