peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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