I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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