Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
