Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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