I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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