My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
