i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
