I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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