So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
