Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
